Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
