Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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