Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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