Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize