Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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