i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
