I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you had me at cake vodka
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
