I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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