So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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