I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse