i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.