i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize