i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
