um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
