Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
