and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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