I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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