I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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