she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
