Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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