You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
