I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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