You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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