McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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