if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
