In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
