I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
