You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
