he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
