I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The ass gains better be worth it
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