How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
