well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize