i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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