The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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