Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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