What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
