well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
