there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
