I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
