You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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