Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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