Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
