Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
