Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
