There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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