If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
