I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
