I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
