i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
