got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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