I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize