we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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