Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
