I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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