last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
