It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
