I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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